I chose the words Water & Velvet for this task, which is about writing a love story between
the two elements along the lines of Jane Frame's short story: The Daylight and the Dust. As
Veronica said, it will most probably be a bad start, and I can already hear
laughter coming from my readers, but I'm here to learn so let's just have some
fun and see what comes out. One of my aims while writing this short piece is that of not
thinking too much about it but to let ideas flow so will see!
Water and Velvet - A Love Meant to Be
by Rob Martz
It was a nice and warm morning when Velvet
was woken up by daylight caressing his perfect body on the grass. Right by his
side, Water was running as usual, pushing forward to reach his final goal. Velvet, conscious of his presence wondered whether he would notice him
this time round. 'Not again!' He thought. It seemed like every morning Water
wanted to ignore him. But how could he? On
two occasions they had touched and for a second Velvet had felt every thread in
his soul shrink! Had Water not felt the same? Would that explain why for any passers-by
such encounter would have appeared as if Velvet had repealed Water? How could
water not hold on to such short, accidental, desired moments. Why was there no
trace afterwards for Velvet to treasure but only a flash, an ephemeral memory
of a dream come true? Why didn't Water stop his course and embraced Velvet in
his arms? Velvet continued questioning himself: What is this vortex of emotions that lifts me up? Could it be that
once and for all he would be united with Water? Could nature be so kind as
to send her messenger to take Velvet to Water's arms? I feel you Water! I understand now! It was
me holding back without knowing that you needed to be all around me for us to
be one, to run together, to be together, to stay together.
This is a great start, Robert! There is nothing like a bad start. Every start is necessary, and how boring would life be if our first steps didn't contain the seeds of development and improvement! I loved the 'texture' of your story. When we start learning techniques, we will learn to 'amplify' this feeling of texture in the reader so, we don't only feel the pain of velvet but we can actually 'touch' it (element that is already present in your story).
ReplyDeleteBarbara's point is very interesting indeed and one of the principles of 'story-telling'. The game 'what if'. At the moment you have a great scene here, an image, a concept. We will learn to develop scenes, ideas and concepts into complete stories.
Barbara's comment is a reflection but also a question to the story. What would really happen if Velvet and Water became one? What would happen overtime? Is this a sad or happy story? Is it a tragedy or will there be a twist and it will become a comedy? The reader might decide, but the author knows the story he/she wants to tell and will do his/her best to guide the reader towards his/her story while also opening up a space for readers' interpretation, freedom, opinion, reaction. Often, this questions get answered with the introduction of some action and the development of the plot (which is very difficult in flash fiction). We'll also learn about the fine line between the author's story and the reader's story. From my point of view, a story really achieves completion when somebody reads it. At the same time, this doesn't mean that the author may offer an incomplete story. The world of writing!!! I was once told by the writer Patricia Dunker, if you want 'easy', go and sign up for Astrophysics. :-)
Great start, Robert. There's huge potential in this first draft.
In your opinion, what are the benefits of introducing an exercise like this one in the language class? Which grammar/vocab/skills could you practise? Would this be a 'starter' or a 'main activity' or a 'plenary'? To which level could be applied (A1-C2/Beginners/Intermediate/Advanced)?
Thank you for your contribution. We have the first story of the group. Yeeey! :-)
Some very good questions Veronica, so my question is - will I be able to develop this story during the course? I'm assuming this as you called it a first draft so I'm guessing more are to come! I think those questions open a sea of possibilities.
DeleteI'd say that the benefits of introducing an exercise like this one (Flash Fiction) in class are enormous as it requires students to stretch their own abilities and knowledge of the language. However, I think that the success of the activity would lie in the preparation stage, on how we sell it to them and whether we manage to help them see purpose in it.
I think this exercise encompasses the use of grammar, vocab and different skills not only writing per se, but also reading. I mean the reading they would do in the preparation stage. Also, speaking with others in class when brainstorming ideas pretty much the way we did it in the tutorial. This would mean that when they get to it they will have something to build their piece on. I would have this as a starter and then use it in class for discussion and analysis of the writing sub skills needed e.g. genre, layout, audience, etc. while also having some time for linguistic work. As for the level, I think that as Jim Scrivener says, we should 'grade the task, not the text' so in my experience if the task is graded to the level we want to use it at, then it should work and allow students at that level to produce something which reflects and stretches their abilities, so I'm with James (2006) in that even beginners can express creatively in writing.
Yes, I absolutely agree with you. Preparation is key. In my classes I work on the text, we analyse key vocab and grammar, go through the CW techniques used (we will see that soon), create different characters in groups, discuss the characters, create profiles, potential plots and then write the story.
DeleteYes, communicate the 'purpose' is vital, especially when it comes to creative writing, since it might be the first time for many students.
In regards to your question about redrafting. It's up to you! You may want to redraft this one, to see how your story can change, or just leave it as it is. You may want to choose the new draft (if you write it) as the story you will submit for workshop next week or you can choose something completely new. Absolute freedom!!!
Hi Robert
ReplyDeleteI commented once but have a feeling it might not have worked. I really enjoyed your story and I felt very involved in poor Velvet's dilemma. The use of questions made me understand the turmoil of Velvet's mind. I particularly liked the idea of velvet realising it was necessary to 'let go' to be together with Water.